19th century cats
by enelyx7
Summary: everybody will turn into cats eventually.
1. Chapter 1

"heheh heh..." lavi snickered as he made his way from the lunch hall. he had just thought of something that would really annoy... or, actually, piss off the older bookman.  
he was planning on how he should put his plan into acton, until allen came by and called him.

"lavi! laviiii!! where are- oh, there you are." allen paused and walked up to him.  
"what's wrong allen? something the matter?" lavi asked, disturbed from his diabolical planning, "need to know how to steel a woman's heart, eh? so, who's the lucky girl?" he nudged the younger exorcist just for kicks.  
"no, i don't need to know how, thank you very much. you need to stop saying those stuff y'know."allen replied, a bit annoyed. "bookman and the supervisor are looking for you, it seems that you have a new mission." 


	2. Chapter 2

"damn." lavi thought, " and i was just starting to put things into action, panda-jii's gonna kill me if he finds out about this. unless"  
lavi turned to face allen, who was about to go and tell bookman that he found lavi, and then report to the supervisor's office for his next mission.  
he put his hand on allen's shoulder, stopping him abruptly.  
"huh? lavi, what's wro--" he was cut short by the most horrifying sight that he had ever seen in his entire life. maybe even scarier than an akuma's soul!  
(but not master cross' debts, that's for sure. :) the older exorcist was looming over him, like a lion that has just caught a mouse and was thinking of playing with it before it's untimely end.  
allen thought he was going to die.

"hey allen..." the lio-... ummm, lavi, began. "don't you wanna know...'the secrets of the world?"

'the secrets of the world', lavi thought, would make a great stall tactic to halt allen from telling bookman where his predeccesor was.  
allen, obviously scared to death, could not think properly in this, or any other situation, just screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"  
now, it would have been heard over a long distance if lavi hadn't kept his hand over allen's mouth, to muffle the screaming.  
"oi! oi! oi! what's wrong!! i'm not THAT scary! quiet down! he might hear us!" lavi hissed.  
"mm-m-mmmm--mmmm-mm-m!?" allen replied.  
"huh? oh, sorry. what was that again?" lavi removed his hand.  
allen gasped for air, until saying, "i said,' yes, you ARE that scary, and who might hear us? bookman?" he finished, leaning on the gaurd rail that prevented people from falling to the depths below.  
"uh.. no, nevermind that..." lavi paused, looking over his shoulder to see if anybody was listening in. "anyway," he continued, " don't you wanna know THAT"  
"that...?" allen repeated. then he thought about it. what harm would it do to know the secrets of the world? he thought.

a lot of damage, apparently. 


	3. Chapter 3

3 hours later...

"what"  
"it's true"  
"b-but... they said that"  
"aw, come on! who are you gonna believe? them or me? i'm a bookman"  
"ummmmm"  
" speaking of which, did you know"  
"wh-what"  
"ALLEN WALKER! LAVI! WHERE ARE YOU!! REPORT TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!!"

the spervisor's voice, (amplified of course.) could be heard throughout the whole black order. woke up some of the peole working there, like the other excorcists, the finders, and well, it just annoyed the scientists since they were awake anyway.

kanda even got out of his room, disturbed from his meditation, and yelled at them, " get up there bean-sprout! rabbit-brat! youre a nuisance!" then he went back to his room and slammed the door.

"heh, i guess we stayed a bit tooo long, so i'll tell you everything else later, okay, bean-sprout?" lavi said, grinning,expecting to be scolded by allen on how his name was not 'bean-sprout'. but, allen was apparently a bit tooo dazed from all the shocking information he had received in just 3 hours, and needed to let it all sink in. he just replied with a "hn... uh...okay..."so lavi just left. his mission completed.

allen walked up to komui's office and was scolded on how important punctuality is, and he was given mission data. he was supposed to go to a place in america, as there have been sightings of general cross there. and allen, still dazed, did not mind and just agreed.

"oh, and lenalee's coming with you too, allen. she'll back you up on this mission." komui added, just before he left for the underground waterway.

lenalee was already there, waiting.

"hello, allen-kun." she greeted. "he-hello, lenalee." allen absent-mindedly replied.  
he looked really pale and his eyes were just swirls.

lenalee noticed this,(obviously) and asked, "hey, allen? are you okay? is the mission putting stress on you? we can have you go see the head nurse before we go." in a concerned tone.  
he snapped back to his senses.  
"oh, uh...no!no! it's nothing! i'm... fine, really! don't mind me! hahahaha"  
he replied embarrasingly.  
lenlaee sighed. then they set off to their destination.  
at this point on, they will now fall.  
not even the earl can stop it from happening. everybody will turn into cats. 


	4. Chapter 4

when they got there...

"hey, lenalee... is this really the right place?"

"well, it is... according to the map.."

"master sure goes to a lot of strange places, huh?"

"yeah...maybe there was innocence here..?"

"i doubt master was doing any work at all."

"then what would the reason for his being here mean?"

"that's a good point... i don't even see any bars anywhere."

and there weren't. because this place was full of cats, everywhere. there were people in the streets wearing cat ears, and tails, the shops were decorated with cat accesories, there were huge cat-head signs all over the place.and the cats themselves were just walking around town like it was normal. and they were shopping.

lenalee and allen were shocked at the strange sight. allen was no longer dazed. the thought of searching for his master had finally sunk in, too.

but the town was still disturbing.

"well, let's start searching for him, then, shall we?" lenalee offered.  
allen agreed."yeah, let's ask around if anybody has seen him."

just as they were about to move, lenalee tripped allen over.  
"get down"  
"huh? what--aaahhh!!"

just as he hit the ground, a baseball whizzed toward them. lenalee dodged it after tripping allen.

"owww... what was that?" allen said as he tried to sit up.  
"sorry, allen-kun. here," lenalee extended a hand to help him up.

"i'm sorry, but could you hand over our ball back to us? i guess we tossed it too far...heh."

lenakee and allen looked at where the voice came from.

then they saw a pretty fat cat with no limbs at all. it was like, a blob witha cat face,a pair of cat ears, some whiskers, and a tail. that's it.

allen fell again, both from shock, and because lenalee loosened her grip on him.

"ow! lenalee"  
"ah!s-sorry"

meanwhile... another place, and person...

kanda went off on another mission to recover innnocence.( i don't know where.)

he was walking along the streets of the town, when he noticed someone or something was following him.

he said, in a voice loud enoough for the stalker to hear, "you, hiding there. come out now if you value your life."

he was sure it heard him, and it moved from it's hidng spot but he didn't see it anywhere.

then he did a 180 degree turn and attacked.

"mugen! kaichuu ichigen!" he yelled.  
"waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!" stop! stop!"

he stopped the attack and pointed his sword at the cat-like blob stalker.(it looks exactly like the one i described earlier.)

"now who and what are you, and why are you following me?" kanda said, in his menacing tone, glaring at the cat.

"meep" it shivered. then it made a mad dash for the hills. (how it dashed, i don't know.)

"hey! why you-- COME BACK HERE!!" kanda chased after it, and just as he almost caught it, a swarm of cats like it started glomping onto him from behind. he was taken by surprise and was pulled down to the ground.

he struggled, but there was too many of them.

"g-get offa me you-"

at that moment, there was a big poof! sound. like when naruto transforms, or when his doppelganger disappears.

and after that sound effect, when the dust cleared, there were no more weird cats, save one.

and it looked an awful lot like kanda.

(it even had mugen)

meanwhile again.  
we go back to lavi.

he was in a good mood. sure, he was on a mission with the panda-jii but right now, they separated to look for more innocence (obvioously) and his plan would go into action once they returned to the black order headquarters.

he was humming to himself when he came across a strange, but cute looking cat in a back-alley.

"here, kitty, kitty, kitty! come here!"(you are a kitty, right?" he was calling it over to pet it, but it suddenly jumped on his face.

and it didn't seem like it would come off.

"aaaaaaaaggggghhhh!! there's a limbless cat stuck on my face!!" he yelled, trying to peel it off with all his strength. after a while, it popped off.

then it stuck it's tongue out at him, and left.

"what the..." lavi suddenly turned dizzy and fell over on the ground. but not before another 'poof!' and when he did reach the ground, another cat, that looked like lavi this time, appeared, unconcious.

and at the black order, komui was having difficulty procrastinating from work.

"why!! why do you do this to me?? i'm innocent! i can't do everything you ask me to do"  
"ahh, just shut up, supervisor, and sign these papers!!" reever yelled at komui, who was crouching somewhere in a corner, feeling sorry for himself.

then he got up and went to his table and drank some coffee.

"so, anyway, what's with this about missing exorcists? not the work of the earl, i hope?" 


	5. Chapter 5

in an alley somewhere, kanda opened his eyes, hearing his name being called out by some annnoying voice, probably a finder.

"Kanda-dono!! Kanda-dono!!"

"che, what is that idiot doing, calling my name. i'm right here." Kanda thought, after he woke up.  
then he remembered what happened to him.

he looked for mugen beside him. it was still there, but it seemed a little bigger than usual.

he shrugged it off, thinking it was probably just him seeing things. and tried to pick it up.

with his paws.

"what the hell--!!"

"Kanda-dono!!"

the finders voice was very close by now, and Kanda, being pissed off as he was, yelled back,

"I'M OVER HERE, YOU IDIOT!! STOP YELLING OUT MY NAME!!"

the finder stopped, and looked into the alley where he heard Kanda yell at him.

"Kanda-do--" he stopped short, upon seeing the exorcist in a peculiar form.

"What the hell are you looking at, finder?!" Kanda snapped, then remembered what he was doing a little earlier.

"damn, maybe it was those cats that did this..." he thought silently, then looked at the finder again.

"hey you! you better have a good explanation for this." he said, kinda putting the blame on the poor guy like it was his problem. which it was, since he needed to report this back to headquarters.

and he did have an explanation for this, contrary to what you might think.

he pulled himself together.  
"even when he turns into a cat, Kanda-dono doesn't change at all"  
he thought to himself.

"well? i'm waiting..." Kanda said, impatiently.

and at the same time, but a different place...

Lavi stretched out on all four paws, let out an exhausted and long 'meow', and rubbed his eye.

"man, that was a great nap. but now i have to find gramps."

and he walked down the street looking for bookman groggily.

he was looking at the shops and cafe's lining the street when he was picked up unsuspectingly.

"awwwwwww look mommy! a kitty wearing clothes!"

he heard his captor say, and he was whipped around and shown to a pretty looking woman.

and he would have gone 'STRIKE!', but by now he was totally awake and aware of his situation.

he was a cat being adored by a beautiful woman and her child.

and saying 'strike!' is a very strange thing for a cat to say, so he simply went along with it and purred at them.

"see mommy? can't we keep him?"

"they must be rich. she sounds like a spoiled child. and her mom looks pretty pale and sickly." lavi thought, stereotypically.

"but honey, we already have a dog at home, and aren't we bringing this panda home?"

panda?

"but we're bringing a panda home! it means we can have a cat too, right?"

'wow, they really are rich. bringing a pa--aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! GRAMPS??' lavi turned to look at the animal behind the woman.  
it looked exactly like bookman.

the panda turned to look at lavi.

it had the same shocked expression that lavi had.

so it was probably gramps.

he was waving his hands around in the air. it looked like he was trying to make a sign.

lavi tried to comunicate with him too, but seeing as they were different animals, and they had no bearings whatsoever, they couldn't understand each other.

but they waved their arms around in the air anyway.

"oh, look! they're doing a little show!"

and the girl put lavi down next to the panda.

"let's watch!"

what was going on in their heads right now...

'oi!! gramps! what are you doing here?? and why are you a panda? although i must say, you look really good in black and white.'

'idiot!! like i would know! why are you a cat? aah!! we have to get out of here!'

'alright! on three then!'

'one!'

'two!'

'three!'

and they made a mad dash down the road.

"ah! heeeeyyy!! where are they going??"

"now, now... it's okay, road, they are animals. maybe they went off to play somewhere else?"

"awwww... can i look for them later?"

"of course! you can even bring you're uncle with you!"

"yaaay"  



	6. Chapter 6

Points of view.

Kanda was not in a good mood when he got back to headquarters.

he was snarling, hissing, and scratching anyone who so much as glanced at him.

and he wasn't to blame, really.

I mean, if you've been ambushed by cute, limbless kitty blobs who then turned you into a talking cat who couldn't pick up his own sword, had an incompetent finder who had to carry you and said sword around, to get on a train, while on that train, there were little kids who were bored, and wanted something to do, so they ran up and down the corridors, and when they were running past the seat you and the finder were on, they get curious and start asking questions like, 'why does this cat have a ponytail', or 'can i play with this sword?', and 'can i hold him?' , and they start petting you, and hugging you, and all sorts of things you'd do to a cat, that couldn't speak. and then their mother came to scold them for running around and bugging the other passengers, and just as she was a bout to leave, saw you, and started squeazing you till you hacked out hairballs(where the hell did those come from?).

all this, and the damn finder didn't do anything to stop them, 'cause he was having fun with the kids. and when you finally got off the damn train, people started staring at you. and to get back to hq, you had to row a boat through water. not that it bothered you before, but now you're a cat who hates water. when you finally get in, you find out they have no effing idea of what's going on, and that you'll have to wait with other exorcist cats who start saying how cute you are in the clothes that komui made for you and the other cats(why the hell is he making clothes when he could be working on a cure?).

...

anyway, he was pissed.

Allen purred while stretching out on the couch in Komui's office.

He sank back in the chair, then looked around to see Kanda nestling on the floor in all the papers, and Lavi was sprawled on the other end of the couch. Lenalee wasn't there, so he got up to look for her. he jumped down from the couch, and left the supervisors office.

He sauntered down to the library, and he saw a panda there, reading books, newspapers, and some scrolls.

He looked in the research labs. Reever had duffel bags in his eyes, Johnny and Tapp's souls were partially leaving their bodies, and the rest of the team looked equally as lively, but they all kept working.

They looked like ghosts.

Then he popped into the kitchen, where he was greeted by Jerry, who complimented on how cute he looked, and if he could take him as a pet. He was joking, of course.

Jerry then treated Allen to some, or a lot, of food that he was experimenting on, specifically for cats.

Allen beamed, and followed Jerry into the kitchen where he totally forgot about searching for the siblings.

Lavi woke up and lazily opened his eye. he saw yuu getting up and leave the office. he jumped down, and followed him for a while, till he threatened to cut him up, so he went and wandered around the place. he thought about going to the library, but he figured only panda-jii was there, so he went to the research lab instead. he spotted johnnny and tapp, dead beat and tired. then he saw komui talking to reever. lenalee was with them too, but komui was carrying her. she looked sleepy. he went over, and asked them, "so did you figure anything out yet?" reever looked down at him.

"no, not a lot, but we're gettting there.so how are ya? no other strange symptoms?"

reever looked even more tired.

"nah, nothing other than being a cat. how come gramps is the only panda, though?"

komui and reever looked nervously at each other.

"so, what's wrong with lenalee?" lavi asked, all interest gone from the panda.

"ah, well... i was experimenting on a formula, and lenalee insisted that she help me try it out. this is a side-effect." komui smiled wearily.

"hm, working on a formula to get us back, eh?" lavi grinned.

"well, we could always try dissecting one of you guys to find out what's in you that makes you different, so i wouldn't have to experiment on lenalee anymore.yeah--" an evil glint shined on komui's glasses.

lavi backed off.

"woah, supervisor, you wouldn't really do that...?"he asked, nervously.

"who knows, who knows?" and that, komui chuckled to himself evily, walking away down the corridors.

--

A/N: been months since the last chapter. i have a knack for putting things off, huh? well, next chapter! what will happen to the exorcists? will they ever revert? and who are those cats?

(description for them has changed. realized 'limbless cats' are really, really creepy, so the exorcists look like normal cats. only the aliens look like blobs. sorry.)


	7. Chapter 7

so, what have you found out?

well, that this situation can only be explained by one thing.

and what's that?

that this is the work of some crazy author trying to ruin our lives.

wow. good answer. but how about a real reason?

oh, i'll explain it later. you give me so much work to do, having to explain some wacky idea that i don't believe in myself.

how can you not believe it? isn't there innocence?

that's that, and this is this.

ah, that excuse. anyway, i'll leave it to you.

wait, what?

komui sat at his mess/desk, and looked wearily at the exorcists who had been turned into cats.

they looked back. especially kanda, who glared.

"well?" he asked.

"hmmm..."

"have you figured out what's wrong with us, supervisor?" asked lavi, who was lying down lazily beside kanda.

"well..."

"hurry up and spit it out!!" kanda growled. he extracted his claws. something he learned to do while he couldn't use mugen.

komui ducked behind his clipboard and yelled "all right! all right! i believe the problem is--!!"

"what is it, nii-san?" lenalee hopped into the room with allen in tow. he looked stuffed.

"Lenalee!!" Komui beamed, and was about to hide behind her, but kanda blocked his way, glowering.

"well, supervisor? aren't you going to finish your sentence?"

they swore they could see a demon behind kanda right now.

komui stood up properly, and regained his composure, then said, "accordingtothedatagatheredbythefindersibelieveitwasaliencatswhodidthistoyoutocontroltheworld."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...wha??" they all said in unison.

komui looked hurt.

"see? you don't even listen to me properly! how can you expect me to--"

WHACK!!

"STOP COMPLAINING AND EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY!!" lavi, kanda, and allen kicked(?) komui in the back.

"...well."

"..."

"..che..."

"what i mean is," komui paused, then pushed up his glasses, "that according to the data gahered, it seems like you were all attacked by alien cats."

Komui looked at them, and was greeted by a look of disbelief on their faces.

"what? aliens? what are you talking about supervisor? no such thing." lavi laughed to himself.

"are you joking??" kanda and allen synchronized.

lenalee looked sympathetically at her brother. "nii-san, did you have coffee yet?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! MY OWN SISTER DOESN'T BELIEVE ME!!" komui cried, then sulked off to a corner.

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THAT STUFF IN THE FIRST PLACE??" Kanda yelled.

"now, now, yuu. think about it. it would explain why we're like this." lavi contemplated.

"and if he's just making this stuff up?"

"why would he make this stuff up?"

"cause he procrastinates." kanda sneered.

"hmm, yeah, but you'd think he'd have a little more imagination."

"nope, sorry, but he's right, guys."

"reever?" lenalee turned around, and saw him standing by the doorway, reading more papers. then he looked up.

"hey, supervisor, get up. didn't you finish your cure by now?" reever asked, looking at the dark corner of komui's office.

"what? a cure? is he right, komui-san?" allen asked, hopefully.

"yes, well, it's not really fini--"

"what the hell? you had an antidote and you didn't tell us?" kanda in a bad mood again.

"hurry up and give it to us!" lavi insisted.

"but it's not really done yet--" komui tried to finish again, but was cut off this time by lenalee.

"how do you know that? come on, let's try it. it'll turn us human, right?" she tugged on his pants. he picked her up, and looked at her worriedly.

"but there are still some glitches i need to work on..."

"what are they, supervisor?" reever asked.

"i don't know exactly, but..."

"then give it to us so we can find out!" kanda hissed.

"you're all ganging up on me, aren't you? fine, fine." he put lenalee down, and sifted through his drawer. finally, he took out a big, green vial.

"why don't you have this in your food instead? it'll taste a lot better." he offered, but they refused (except allen, who was smiling at the thought of food again.) and he gave them all a spoonful. they regreted their decision about the food, but too late now.

"blegghhh!! what is this stuff, anyway?" lavi almost puked.

"you wouldn't want to know." komui stood firmly.

"so how long till this takes effect?" reever asked. expecting them to revert back.

"oh, tomorrow, maybe. in that time, you guys should get some rest, and--"

they all dropped down, unconcious.

"what the? supervisor?"

"oh, just the side-effects of the drug. don't worry. they're fine." komui chuckled.

"if you say so..."

-- 


	8. Chapter 8

Allen flicked his ears.

"Wooaahh!!!! how did you do that?!" Lavi asked in utter amazement, wagging his tail like a dog.

Allen looked at him quizically, and asked, "huh? do what?"

"you know, that, that thing.... with your ears! how'd you do it?"Lavi said, holding his own cat ears and wiggling them.

Allen made a sorry look. "I dunno... instinct, i guess...."

"instinct? there's no way that was instinct! do it again! do it again!" Lavi made a tantrum, which was really cute, considering he was three feet tall, half-cat, and seven years old.

Kanda growled, and hissed at Lavi, with his fangs sticking out. "Shut up!"

Lavi hid behind Allen.

"Allen! He's mean!" he whined, teary-eyed.

Allen shot a glare at Kanda, who shot one back.

Kanda whirled around, and murmured. "Damn that Komui."

Allen put Lavi on his lap. "it's not Komui-san's fault. how was he to know his formula got switched with an anti-aging one? Besides, Lavi looks so cute!" he said, and scratched the back of Lavi's head. Lavi purred.

"che, then YOU'RE taking the next sample." Kanda smirked, and stalked out of the room.

Allen grimaced, and let go of Lavi, who followed Kanda out of the room.

Lavi looked up at Kanda. Kanda glanced down.

"What?" he growled.

Lavi smiled, and jumped onto Kanda's back.

"Yuu have such long hair!" Lavi giggled, and tugged at Kanda's pony-tail.

"Dammit! Let go, Rabbit brat!" Kanda grabbed Lavi by the collar, and flung him to the other side of the building, over the huge gaping hole.

Lavi made it to the other side, hair as white as Allen's, on all fours.

"Well, what do you know," Kanda sneered.

"Cats do land on their feet." and he walked away, smiling to himself.

Lavi slumped down, and sighed.

He wished the after-effects didn't last so long. 


End file.
